Reflections from the River

Dear overseas friends,

A relief bill for the continuous dismembering of the economy because of the mishandling of the outbreak of the corona virus failed to come to even a vote in the Senate. But we bail out corporations. I fear of what may come for the majority of my friends and some of my loved ones because of those that hold positions of power in the United States. We need your healthcare, leadership, and sense of community so badly. I have used this phrase often the last four months, and it’s all too appropriate here: “This is not what the founders intended.” Please keep us in your prayers as I keep you in mine. God is in control ultimately and He hears us. That I know for certain.

Love,

Lisa

I am grateful for the pain that I’m in today, and for the nerve damage on my left side.

I am grateful that I may never walk right again.

I am grateful that I have a roof over my head.

I am grateful that I have nerve pain meds.

I am grateful that I began to stock pile food WAY before this country took action on the Coronavirus, or before I realized it existed because I know what it’s like to be hungry and to not have enough.

I am grateful to not have a television.

I am grateful to be alive.

I am grateful to have a bed, a couch, a chair, and all the basics.

I am grateful to know what I am loved by humans and overwhelmingly so by God.

I am grateful for the spiritual fast I am in.

I am grateful that no matter how frustrated, angry, etc I get with my new body….I keep going.

All of these things come from God. I pray that I remain thankful for the rest of my days.

Amen

I have so many people on my mind this morning. It’s now 1:27 am! I’ve been thinking of my siblings, my friends, my family, and the significant others I’ve had too. 👀 the last grouping was thought of VERY briefly. 😂 All of these folks matter to me though. As odd as that sounds. Every person, every interaction, and every memory. In the various stages of my life so far everyone has mattered. Just like right now every human being on Earth matters. It really is a remarkable moment in our history as humans. Papers and books will be written one day about the time we are all living through. Maybe the Earth will heal. Maybe there will be peace on Earth. Maybe we will really realize once and for all as a human race that we aren’t so different after all. ❤️

i don’t know how to not be serious sometimes. 👀 Many years ago, I dated someone that bought me a bunch of Legos. Like, I’m talking an entire series of LEGO kits to teach me “how to have fun.”Long story that isn’t important. Ever since him I’ve been really paranoid that I am not fun, funny, etc. With all this weird stuff going on outside of the walls of this quarantine hot spot, after what’s been happening since December of last year, it makes me want to curl up in a ball and pet my dog, eat, and get super large and in charge again. But then I’d get clots….life is weird when you have a weird body. The point is, I have learned to choose joy no matter what. Granted, it’s been the hard way over 35 years and people haven’t always known that’s what I was doing because of how quiet I’d get, and DAMN hard since last year, but 👏🏻 I’m 👏🏻 doing👏🏻it. I was literally non verbal at one point and really jumbled before that recently , so I’m doing it. And so should you! Whether you live in Italy or Malaysia, or here in this country you won’t regret it! Don’t let your happy be stifled. And turn to the big guy when you go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow and say goodnight and hello and thanks for allowing that miracle to happen. Happy am I to live in times such as these, or more accurately, happy i am to live AT ALL. Tudalou! ❤️

Dear Governor,

I haven’t been an official resident of the state I grew up in for over a month now. Although the time I spent there as an adult wasn’t great from a healthcare standpoint to say the least, my people are there. I am safe where I am, and I will receive healthcare here, but my friends and a portion of my family live and work in the state you are supposedly governing. I cannot really understand why you are being such a nitwit at this moment in history. Small businesses are important, of course, but what about the residents of the state you govern? Public safety? Why has school not been suspended there until AT LEAST May? Why do you constantly post on social? What are you actually do for the residents of your state? Not a thing.

I voted against you when you ran. Your politics were questionable, and you had NO PLAN for healthcare. Look at my friends and family now. As a disabled person, and one of the vulnerable, GET IT TOGETHER. Not for my sake, that ship has long sailed, but for my people. I beg you.

Best,

Lisa Bragg

I’m very tired, so please excuse me if this isn’t a grammatical work of art. 😉 Anyway, as the title states, today was the second full day of hanging around here only.

Watched Aladdin, ate incredibly healthy, took my vitamins, my mom took clothes to be washed, Elles was perfect, and celebrated the Feast of Jesus’ foster father by saying a rosary with literally billions of people. 🤯 I think the number of Catholics around the world is a little over 2 billion. Wrap your minds around that one! 😳

I also spoke to some friends here and there, and took a long shower because today was the last day for my holter monitor. Woo hoo!

This virus is running rampant in the world around me from what I can tell. (So happy to have deleted all those news apps and never got a tv of my own when the other two broke years ago. They’re overrated. ) I’m glad to not sit in front of one all day. To those that do-you do you. 👊🏻 Tomorrow I’m going to begin Spanish immersion to speak to my friend William and Mami better. Maybe make myself bi or trilingual by the end of this. 🤷🏼‍♀️ And play at least 5 games of candy land connect 4. Having so much time, well, it’s weird. But as always there’s purpose. God bless us all.

Night, readers. ❤️

No, I do not have the Corona Virus.

I have long wondered what I wanted out of this blog. A dear friend helped me set it up, and it has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. I guess I can use it to chronicle my journey in quarantine from this point forward. Give some hope or make you chuckle. Pass on a useful nugget or forty about random stuff. 😉

My day began at 7am. I had every intention of being on a strict schedule today. I love plans and lists. Well…..I’m still in my pajamas. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I did play with my dog, really talk to my mom, watch something super sad, and chat with one of my lovely godmothers on the phone. Most importantly, I said hello to God.

I also scrolled on Instagram, started the live version of Aladdin, and sent my brother and sister a 🤗 ❤️.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll do something remarkable. But today it was nice to sit some and walk some around this apartment and wait for the miracles. Fighting for so many years, and especially over the last several months, has left me in need of some profound relaxation. Perhaps I did do something remarkable for Lisa Bragg today. I relaxed. 🙂

Life is super weird, especially right now in the world. But we are being taught quite the lesson. To love. You see, blog readers, the only person I have ever wanted to fall hopelessly in love with was God. For most of my years as I have struggled to be heard I have not been able to pray or love much of anything; let alone the trinity. The God that I know and love has always wanted me to be fearless, and he has wanted me to be devoted to Him. I think and know that he wants the rest of us to be too.

Personally speaking, since December 20th, He has ripped away every security that I have ever known-which isn’t saying much. My body is new and weird and damaged. I regained my words, and even though I walk strangely now, I have never walked normally. The fearless Lisa from long ago, and the Lisa that has been suppressed for 13 years is alive and semi well. In an odd way, despite so many traumas over 35 years and a boatload in the last 3.5 months, I have never felt more un isolated. (And I cannot leave this apartment indefinitely because of the Coronavirus, and my weird body. Got my marching orders today from a pcp.) I wasn’t ready for an early Good Friday after 13 years of them daily, but here I am. Maybe what I originally saw happening in this apartment can. Just maybe I can live and tell my tale and walk out of it without looking like a unique form of cross faded. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I know in my heart that beats too fast irrefutably that God loves me. That three in one dude is quite a guy. I am devoted to Him. Maybe the blessing from this whole thing for me, and the entire world, is the realization that He has been devoted to all of us all along too. ❤️

Goodnight, world.

I see certain phrases on social media circulating with great frequency. Before I get into what those are, I’d like to share something that I just did. I deleted all US news outlets on my two devices but three. This is a step down from nine. 😬 I need scientific data. And that is NOT the American news media. I need positivity, also. It is certainly not fake news as our lovely president has referred to it over and over again. But in “times like these” I don’t need opinion or to be scared. I need to look at data so I can know what not to do. 🤷🏼‍♀️ And also Italy where their sense of community is so strong that they hang out on balconies and aren’t idiotic. You see, times like these have always been here. But during this outbreak we are reminded that we are all the same. And we are reminded as a nation what it is that we need to fix: our sense of community, healthcare, and our reliance on God. To say that the state of this nation is not what the founders intended is putting it mildly. I consider myself blessed to have survived what I have medically over these past months. But I have never known with more certainty that the battle of good vs evil in this country is very real indeed as a result. I think of those without access to a Catholic hospital that are in my situation often. That was me for almost two months and I very nearly died. It is with going to Mass as much as possible, prayer, and relocation that I have lived. I hope anyone that reads this, if you’re able, to hit your knees and pray and show kindness in all that you do and say. God bless ALL of us here in this country and abroad.

To experience real joy is a gift. Oftentimes since this began in December it seems that evil has been working overtime to rob me of any semblance of it. The same can be said for the rest of the world right now too. Evil is working overtime to rob the world of joy. But this is nothing new. That serpent works overtime, and he loves his job. I still do not know why I was given back words. I still don’t know why yesterday happened. I do not know why trauma and pain are constant. But, all that being said, despite yesterday, and what may happen in the future in my life or the lives of human beings around the world, the God that I know and that knows me is a God of love, joy, and hope. To have that suppressed in my heart isn’t possible because He is the one that keeps it ticking. Perhaps that’s why it beats so fast? I dunno. God bless us all. ❤️