Since the infancy of this blog a little over a year ago, I haven’t known what it would contain. Many, I think, expected my blog to be full of political reflections. I have had various obsessions through the years, and was a political science major, so I get that expectation. During the first couple of months there were some political reflections, albeit nonsensical ones, but I deleted them and pressed on as I recovered from another brain trauma. Perhaps I will reflect more on politics in the future on this blog.
What I have written about a tremendous amount on this blog is God, and why shouldn’t I? He and His Church and receiving Sacraments are all the life forces that have kept me alive. I belong to Him. He is also someone that I have a close friendship with, and speak and cry out to regularly; though not as often as I should.
Often I feel so unworthy of the blessings God has given me, and question why He continues to actively and brazenly keep me alive. Months and months ago, a dear childhood friend, after I told her the full breadth of what has happened to me as an adult, stated quite simply, “People don’t survive that, Lisa.” I’d never considered that before. Two brain bleeds after a childhood full of brain surgeries from a neurological condition that you either understand or you don’t, numerous blood clots, and a botched spinal procedure, and I am walking(not well at times, but I am able to) and talking and even thriving in some ways. That doesn’t happen? Oh. I have tossed that around in my mind, and had conversations with God and my priests, to a degree, about this very topic.
I get tired a lot now, and I’m in tremendous pain to a degree of which I’ve never known, but I’m alive. I am grateful for that. It has been , however, a lot to process, and a lot to come back from this time around. Fortunately, I know no other way to act other than to press on. I have wondered a time or two (okay more than that) what life would have been like for me if I lived in a country where healthcare was never a question. Would that have given me an opportunity to be known as more than someone who oftentimes quite miraculously survives things that I should not? Maybe so, but I’ll never know because you can’t go back and change the past. A person must always press on, and appreciate what they have and live life to the fullest.
Thanks Be to God.