I cannot really say for sure what the worst part has been about the last few days. It is easy in the digital age that we as a human race are in for people to make assumptions about you. It is easy to be given a label by what you see on a computer screen, or for someone to assume that you are an anxious person when you actually aren’t. I used to say this often on my main social media page before I erased it permanently yesterday (or at least in 29 days it will be….I don’t understand the logic of that either.) : it is easy to make assumptions about the life someone has led by what you see on a computer screen or by the sound of their voice.
The fact is that no one truly knows me but God. Despite the things that have happened recently, I still believe that there is purpose for and in my situation. What exactly that purpose is after the last three days is a mystery, but I know there is one.
I hope to write again one day. Pen to paper. I had to write two paragraphs yesterday and have so little feeling in my right hand it’s hard to peck this post out with my thumbs. I hope for the pain I am in to ease. If it went away entirely, or was more manageable, that would be fantastic. I hope that when I speak one day my mouth will be normal and I won’t make people uncomfortable. I hope to work from home. I hope my dog can be with me soon. I hope that my heart heals itself as my brain does constantly when I receive the Eucharist. I hope that I don’t have to justify asking for help constantly from agencies in my country because of what I look like and the fact that I am newly physically disabled. I hope November comes quickly. I hope that doors open and red tape is torn down in my situation, and for others like me. I hope that God plants himself in the hearts of folks all over the world and brings about hope and revival and joy. I hope that I’m not weaker by the time things fully click, but if I am that’s okay too. Truly. Because in an age of spirituality and self actualization, I rebuke that nonsense and just want my dog and God and to be well enough to have what I need to survive. Everything else is secondary.
Lisa