Life is super weird, especially right now in the world. But we are being taught quite the lesson. To love. You see, blog readers, the only person I have ever wanted to fall hopelessly in love with was God. For most of my years as I have struggled to be heard I have not been able to pray or love much of anything; let alone the trinity. The God that I know and love has always wanted me to be fearless, and he has wanted me to be devoted to Him. I think and know that he wants the rest of us to be too.
Personally speaking, since December 20th, He has ripped away every security that I have ever known-which isn’t saying much. My body is new and weird and damaged. I regained my words, and even though I walk strangely now, I have never walked normally. The fearless Lisa from long ago, and the Lisa that has been suppressed for 13 years is alive and semi well. In an odd way, despite so many traumas over 35 years and a boatload in the last 3.5 months, I have never felt more un isolated. (And I cannot leave this apartment indefinitely because of the Coronavirus, and my weird body. Got my marching orders today from a pcp.) I wasn’t ready for an early Good Friday after 13 years of them daily, but here I am. Maybe what I originally saw happening in this apartment can. Just maybe I can live and tell my tale and walk out of it without looking like a unique form of cross faded. 🤷🏼♀️
I know in my heart that beats too fast irrefutably that God loves me. That three in one dude is quite a guy. I am devoted to Him. Maybe the blessing from this whole thing for me, and the entire world, is the realization that He has been devoted to all of us all along too. ❤️
Goodnight, world.