Category: reflections

Starting this Monday, I will start PT twice a week as well as OT and Speech Therapy. This got me thinking today about the things I would have done differently had I known life would be so different now. Would I have been silent when I wanted to speak? No. Would I have danced on a table? No but I would have thought about it. 😆 Would I have pushed myself harder to run faster when I toyed around with it, even if that made my head hurt years ago? Yes. Would I have hugged more people that matter? Definitely. Truthfully, I have worked my entire life to not put limits on myself. Not physical ones anyway. I recounted a story for my mom this evening. The first time I did PT it was for balance and I had the best guy helping me. He asked me one day when we were first getting to know each other why I always looked down when I walked. That I didn’t seem to have bad balance when I walked. Simple I said. So I don’t waddle. I got teary and he said well, you’re looking up from now on. No more looking down. I ran into him years later and I thought that was him getting into a car as I was walking into the gym to pedal my clots away. He looked, saw me, we spoke, and that was that. Little does he know what those nine months did for me over the past four. ❤️

I have a best frand who always hits the nail on the head with virtually everything that she says. “Family is what you make it.” How true! The family of my heart is significantly larger in size than the ones I have left that aren’t in Heaven and are actually related to me. My birthday seems so long ago now, but I heard from more people via text on my 35th birthday this year than I had in YEARS. People knew it was a massive deal I’d lived to reach it and celebrate it that day almost TWO months ago now. My family includes those folks. Thank God for them. ❤️ Every color, creed, class, and viewpoint. A proverbial smorgasbord of awesome.

How do you measure a life? A persons worth? What are the rights and needs of a human being compared to the wants? What does every human deserve? Some of the answers to these questions are easy and some are complicated.

Humans deserve life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. They deserve access to adequate healthcare, whatever that looks like individually. They deserve to not constantly worry about food, housing, or a decent job. They deserve an opportunity to chase their dreams.

I am not sure what the future holds for me, but today I got an appointment for an evaluation with a physical therapist and it was the best news I’ve had in 4 months. Actually, longer. This came after two sterile letters from an insurance company, and a conversation with a corporation I refer to as the serpent in the deep. My life has changed dramatically right along with the world. But God is in charge. I pray tonight that a.) the kids upstairs stop fighting and b.) that His will be done. To let Him work is a load off. Thanks be to God.

I think a lot these days with all this time on my hands. Without the Mass /receiving the last month, I have felt pretty empty to be honest. I have thought of those I have loved and those I have lost. Places I worked, and people I’ve known. I have worked hard physically rehabbing myself, and have begun to work on cognition as well. Letting go of so much is at times terrifying. But God and I make a pretty great team. I find I’m bolder now than I’ve ever been. Realizing that I can say no, or stand up for myself is remarkable too. It’s almost as if all the pain and lessons I’ve experienced the hard way have been for the life ahead of me. But it’s not a solitary road, and it has purpose. Thanks be to God.

I remember in high school I took four friends to a Good Friday service at the small Episcopal church I grew up attending. These gals didn’t quite know what to make of kissing a wooden cross, and the Gospel being thrown down, but they were troopers. ❤️

I’m not sure if that story has any purpose in this little post, but perhaps I wanted to smile at that memory when I look back on these entries one day.

My mom took my little pup up to my Church today, and ran into one of my favorite folks while walking her around that massive campus-one of my priests! I know that I have a hunger for the Eucharist and the Mass, but I often don’t think of my priests. Their bold witness is awe inspiring, and their ability to minister has been hindered temporarily. Maybe I’ll venture up there on the next trip to take Elles. ❤️

Never did I think I’d be quarantined during The Holy Triduum, but today’s YouTube broadcast reminded me that priests feel a separation as well from their parishioners. Life in the wheelchair is annoying certainly. And pain to this degree is something I’ve never known, but no amount of crosses that I carry will ever compare to the one Jesus carried for the forgiveness of sins. Thanks be to God.

My Daddy would have been 64 years old today, but he gets to spend his birthday in Heaven. How lucky is he?! Although I have very little of his, I have memories in my heart and in my mind that come to the forefront if I think hard enough. He was silly, smart, funny, and many other characteristics. Most importantly he was first and foremost a father, and has gotten to hang out with the Father for 17 years. I remember once he had a massive lab named Jeb for about two seconds. Why? Because Jeb knocked me down one day, and I never saw him again. Poor dog. But that was Daddy for you. A real I must protect Lisa’s shunt at all costs. 😂🤦🏼‍♀️ Anyway, until I see him again, I know he watches out for me and that makes all the difference. ❤️

Dear America,

Over some months, I have grieved for many things in the midst of really trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Going on a scavenger hunt in 5 ERs in the midst of a pandemic that no one knew about wasn’t purposeful, but it was necessary. During this time I have mourned the loss of things that will never be (marriage, babies, etc.), but I never thought to mourn my country.

Tonight I thought of a program I did in Kindergarten. Weird, right? We sang “this land is your land”with such enthusiasm, and a few others I don’t recall. But as this country falls apart more and more each day, I wonder if certain ideals that have always been in place are actually worth holding onto. I’m no one special, but from where I sit I ask this question a lot. Uprooting my life to seek medical care doesn’t make me unique. There are millions like me. It makes me one example of why things must change. We haven’t been one nation under God in decades. I hope we can be again before we lose millions of lives more so than dollars. Aren’t human beings more important than the economy? This is turning into a rant, but maybe it needs to be.

You frighten me, America. I’m not scared of much at all, but being disabled in this country is frightening. Your blind eye frightens me. Your racism. Your war on the poor and the most vulnerable. It’s a real question that I ask myself sometimes if it’s too late for me to have any semblance of the life I’ve dreamed of always because I’m a citizen of the US. I’m never alone because God is with me, and my mother indefinitely, but I worry. We are being given a chance to heal this land (literally), and each other, and make a return to our roots…..God. It is my fervent prayer we don’t squash it.

Lisa

It is so important for the world to take things day by day. To not bury our heads in the sand, to be aware, but to only control what we can control; and to let God do the rest. The situation that the world currently faces reminds us to take life for what it is-a temporary destination on the way to an eternal home. We must change for the sake of humanity. A world that was once perfect in its infancy is broken, but perhaps it can be repaired with some TLC. I pray so. I know God wants that for all of His kids here on Earth.

Tonight, as I sat on the sofa with my dog snuggled up on my lap snoring, I was reminded of the last time she did that. It was after I first answered a free to a good home ad on Facebook. The woman that rescued my dog and her brother screened me as best she could from Alabama, and once she was mine I could hardly contain my excitement. One night after she’d run around that ancient apartment, she went to sit in my lap, and stepped directly on a blood clot. (I had lots of them then.)I cried out LOUDLY, and from that moment 6 years ago until this evening she hasn’t dared do it again. She’s a dream, my Elles. And today she discovered her newest role. Joy producer. (Along with guard /walking companion/imp/angel/friend/ and therapy dog.) The US may collapse economically. It’s well on its way, and I think of that reality when it pops into my head. There are certain realities for me personally that I think of as well. But in this bedroom with this angelic dog asleep beside me, I live day by day and miracle by miracle. I often say my Elles was sent straight from Heaven. I’ve never believed that more whole heartedly. ❤️

I used to think that I wasn’t fully known to anyone, and didn’t especially want to be. After quietly becoming Catholic in 2010, and then going to southwest Georgia to finish my degree after 2 brain bleeds, life spiraled and changed so rapidly that I almost withdrew completely. I got my dog, worked constantly, and I survived. Because God was there. People often wondered at the restaurant where I worked why I didn’t go out much, but I enjoyed my ancient apartment, and sitting around with my dog. I’m back to doing that now, and people do care….life is weird and full of Grace and Love. 🙂

Enough boring stuff about me….You see, blog readers, God is with us even now. For the last couple of Sundays, I’ve been watching a live Mass on YouTube. Father Mike speaks often about a world come undone, and today he said so many nuggets in his homily I lost track. 😂You should look it up on YouTube. Truly. It’s on Ascension Presents YouTube Channel. This world that was once perfect is undone. But God/Jesus/and the Holy Spirit are always here with us, and we are being drawn more deeply into the heart of the one who sacrificed His life for our sins. I confess I haven’t been taking a lot of time to reflect on that fact recently.

May Gods radical love help all our hearts in the days and months and years ahead.